Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
