this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
