I want to walk on stilts...naked
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
