actually, I'm a sock model
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
