it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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