I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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