I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
