Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
