Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
as a side note pls kill me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
