i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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