Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
