If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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