I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
