please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
