Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My life is pants optional.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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