I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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