Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
