its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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