..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
