He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
