If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
