There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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