You really coming over, don't trick.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
