Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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