I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
