Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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