Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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