I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
