I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
