Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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