I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
