soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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