sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
