the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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