You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
