i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
