I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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