honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
