I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
