So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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