I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
