just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
