Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
