i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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