i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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