My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
as a side note pls kill me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
