How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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