You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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