dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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