please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
