I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
