He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
