i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
